“Stop Creating! Stop Creating!

This crazy inner voice has been skipping in my head for days yelling

‘stop creating’ like a broken record. 

But I’m an artist, I tell myself. I create! 

I must create or I will cease to have any meaning. Create or die!

Hang on! Wait a minute. That sounds a little desperate, doesn’t it? Die? I’m such a drama queen. Why don’t I just take a break, have a rest. Creating will still be here when I get back. It ain’t going anywhere.

‘No, no, no! You don’t understand’, the voice cries out. ‘You don’t have to create anymore. Just stop creating will ya? 

I continued to ignore this crazy inner voice I was bantering with. I reminded myself that I’m well known for endless, meaningless inner chatter and subtle tendencies towards self immolation. 

But one day I took some time out to investigate this idea. I mean I had to look at it more closely because I couldn’t get it out of my head. 

So … I started to think. I mean really think about it. I thought about what I knew about creating. Do I know about it at all? 

1. Everything is energy and energy cannot be created nor destroyed.

2. Time is an illusion and everything always was, is and will be, simultaneously and for eternity.

3. We live in a multi-dimensional, infinite universe.

So if all that’s true, then surely that would mean anything I desire to create already exists, right? At least it exists somewhere? Maybe another dimension, but still, it exists. 

So that means I can stop pushing, pulling, working, ploughing, trying to create because it’s here already?

But I can’t see it, so how do I find it? Hmmm … perhaps I need to add a couple more bullet points. 

4. Everything is energy, and energy is indefinable, but it could described at a small scale fundamental level as ‘subatomic particles vibrating’.

5. Like attracts like.

For some reason I am picturing a tuning fork. When a tuning fork sends out a strong vibration then everything around it starts to tune into that same vibration. The strongest vibration wins. That’s just the way energy works. 

So, if I start to vibrate as my creation, then my creation will start to make its way to me. 

But wait? I mean how the hell do I vibrate the same as my creation? How do I be like it?

What is the most powerful simulator in the world? The imagination.

Apparently the mind cannot tell the difference between what we see inside with our minds eye and what we see in the outside world.

So if I imagine my creation is here already, then I must ‘act as if’ it is here already, which would see me being the energy of my creation. I shall only attend to that which is like that frequency and not put my attention on anything dissonant to it. In this way, my creation will draw closer and closer to me until we are a match. My imagination and reality are one and the same thing.

Well, jeez, that’s kind of a relief.

I’ve had years of “struggling” to make something out of nothing using processes, lists, rules, concepts and coaches. 

Allowing myself to simply imagine and have that imagination come to life feels a lot like I felt when I was a little girl. Back then, playing, dreaming, make believing, I was hopelessly incapable of being anything other than creative because I was creation.

That’s right. Of course. 

Creating’s redundant because I am creation. I don’t need to be in my head anymore thinking about ‘how’, I just need to be it.

I don’t need to create all alone on my mountaintop, I just need to commune with all things.

The universe doesn’t speak English or Indian or Swahili. It speaks ‘vibration’.

Okay, so I’m feeling it, I’m feeling it, I got this …. but wait! Nothing’s happening!

I knew it! You know what? I’ve heard about this ‘act as if’ game before. It doesn’t work. It’s too fanciful. 

But then again, maybe the years and years of taking my cues from all the noise and distraction on the outside has blunted my inner tuning fork. Whilst my higher spiritual self might be instantaneous and infinite, I am down here in space-time with a material body and a programed mind walking through a halls of mirrors and so sending out my desired vibration might be more like using a pigeon carrier instead of a telephone.

How do I block everything else out and be single minded, courageously and outrageously confident in my ability to believe in what I cannot yet see? 

Don’t tell me I have to recite mantra’s every morning, visualize, affirmations, vision boards, meditations. I can’t! I can’t do all that. It never works anyway. 

And then came the crazy voice again, ‘Stop creating! Stop creating! You’re IT already’.

Huh? What was that? I’m IT already? What does that mean exactly? I mean exactly what does that mean? 

“Can’t you see? You ARE the creation you are seeking already”.

Well!! If I was having trouble getting my head around the ‘stop creating’ bit, this extra twist is feeling near impossible. 

“You don’t have to act as if or vibrate or resonate or send out a pigeon because YOU ARE THE CREATION ALREADY?”

You mean I’ve been trying to create something that I already am?

And then it dawned on me. The final bullet point. 

4. If everything is energy, then I too am energy, a multidimensional and infinite creation.

All I have to do is be the desire, the creation, the energy, the IT. Have it. Expect it. Just like walking to the corner store to buy the paper. It’s mine, I am going to ‘have’ the morning paper. I don’t doubt it. I know it’s there. It’s always there. 

“You don’t have to get anything that you have already. Just experience it.” 

I don’t need to push, pull, try, or struggle to create what I desire as that would be denying my essence, like being a drop of water in the ocean and trying to quench my thirst. Instead I imagine I am already experiencing my desire and as such become the invitation for it to meet me. And it will to the the degree that I believe I am one with it already. I am what I desire. I am.

Oh and breath. That helps.

Also published on Medium.